Participant: During meditation I felt…, all the time I feel I’m ever in this position, and especially here, where everything, but also the physical sensations merge into Bliss. I can feel the wind and it’s really soft, and it’s love. During meditation I felt this pain from my childhood, and the love that, in relationships, that is not really love but the love that I once knew was about being good enough verses not being good enough.
David: Which wasn’t love.
Participant: Yes and objectifying….
David: But it’s all there was then.
Participant: Yes, and every time and I hold the pain and the sorrow and that has really been a doorway for me, that all my pain….
David: Your pain is the doorway?
Participant: Yes, into the heart. That has opened my heart. And every time pain comes up from my past it cracks and cracks and cracks, all the pain. It’s refining into the love that is not an objective act but that is Reality and that is what everything is.
David: It’s all good.
David: And that’s a terrible gift, but it’s a gift.
David: As long as you work it like that. Your intention, your sole intention is to dissolve into Consciousness, into the ocean of devotion or the ocean of Being, whatever it is. Whatever quality it might represent for you.
Participant: That was why I questioned when you talked about pain yesterday…, I thought about suffering because if I avoid suffering I….
David: No, that’s a lie. That would be a lie.
Participant: [laughs] Yeah.
David: Keep suffering.
Participant: But if I keep suffering I keep loving.
David: Keep going, let it just burn up to ashes.
Participant: [laughs] Yeah, that’s true, that’s really my path.
David: You know, some people stay in pain, there are some painful characters around, you might be one of them. Life is composed of many different kinds of people. And even the greatest of beings, they’re all different; some cry to God, others laugh to God.
David: You have to just go with your natural disposition, your normal disposition. Let it become the reality for you, that’s the key. Sometimes you can’t argue with what’s there. You wish things were different, you wish you had a more sane working base, it would be so ideal, but all you have is what is.
Participant: Yes. Alive one is suffering. When does it end?
David: But you’ll know greater love because the contrast against your torment will be exquisite.
Participant: That’s what I feel, that’s what I experience, that’s why I….
David: You’ll know incredible joy. It’s like a desert that’s really, really dry; when it rains there’s such a suction of moisture, it’s outrageous. But if it rains all the time, like here, it’s always wet, kind of, and there’s not much variation, there’s not much range of extremes. So, the more…, the devotional path is more about the appreciation of extremes.
Participant: That’s me in a nutshell, it’s just extreme, but….
David: As long as it goes into one ocean or the other, you don’t want to get caught even in the subtle with this sort of disposition, because everything is just a bit too delicate.
Participant: [laughs] That’s the problem.
David: No kidding, no problem, some of us are like that. Very sensitive, ultra-sensitive, as though the slightest chord, the slightest sound could upset you. Or the sudden movement of something could cause ecstasy like that. So, you take the whole thing, you have to take the whole picture.
Hang out with like-minded souls, if you can. That’s where you have to get some nourishment, you have to learn to trust people again. Because when people are hurt you tend to form a phobia against people and therefore you retract constantly into your subjectivity where you find your home and your method of transcendence, both. It’s your salvation, your pain is your salvation. But then later on as you mature you can learn to trust again, delicately, slowly. Does that feel okay? Does that feel good?
David: Keep feeling me. I know the impersonal is very important to you, the impersonal consciousness, the hugeness of it, the vastness of it. But also, if you can feel me inside this process, distinctly, as “David,” in this unique darshan or transmission, then also enjoy that too. Don’t let that go, don’t let that go into the ocean. If it goes it will come back out again. I know this is kind of strange talk but I can talk to you this way.
Participant: Yeah, I understand what you mean.
Participant: I feel really nurtured by Divine Bhava.
David: Absolutely. Do good things that make you feel good in nature, walk and breathe and go to the places that heal your subtle body. The streams you find, those places you go to, those sacred places where there are only animals and no humans too. Okay? And I’ll be there in that, I’ll talk to you there.