Those who long for conscious union with reality

We just recently had our intensive with David, this time a long one of several days at the Mount Madonna retreat compound near Santa Cruz, California. It was an opportunity for an unusual amount of informal time with David as we had our meals together and took a daily hike in the beautiful forest. So one became saturated with a visceral Bliss in the immediacy of the on-going transmission of purifying and clarifying Shakti, the Divine Energy; once again fully falling in Love, with David, or to be more impersonal, with what is operating in his person.

I am saying something regarding “spiritual” experiences, thoughts that had been arising in contemplation before the retreat, which then reached fruition in these last few days. My remembered experiences of even amazing experiences, the glimpses between Atman and Brahman that span the terrain of ordinary and non-ordinary realities, are now but frozen photographs. Sweet as memories may be, and emotionally exciting as sharing and remembering may be, these are now nonetheless the static illusions of finitude! Colors and patterns and physical tastes and various energetic events are entrancing tastes. Even visions remain dead memories! One may see the most primal forms of being issuing from the void, frightening births. Or rather than the terrifying, the sublime: the awe-inspiring form of a goddess whose feet alone you may gaze upon, unable to, or not granted to, raise your eyes to the full manifestation of Her Beauty. There are not simply colors , but colors in intricate geometries appearing to the inward eye – any of which are doorways into deep understanding of specific aspects of existence. But, but despite these heightened experiences of what is also part of our human reality, one wishes to respond to such phenomena “not this, not this” (meaning such are but distractions from the immediacy of Bliss even though certainly not as much as mundane preoccupations).

Conscious union with reality occurs, or it is occurring tacitly, and when explicit Knowing occurs, it simply is the everlasting Truth revealed to thought. Yet, with that thought itself, comes the interjection of time: “Oh, what a fantastic spiritual experience I am having … I had, and surely I can have it again, even more!” We find ourselves capable of creating any experience we desire, through concentration or “mediation” with creative imagination – even more so in “non-ordinary” reality. The closest words may come to Divine Reality must be poetry as it manifests in and is expressed by those who abide continually in mystic union. By some grace, you may have the opportunity for such holy company, through which such tastes are also transmitted, but the Avatar is nonetheless also beyond such comprehensions.

Waves of conscious union come and recede. Once as total dismantling and therefore completeness, and then again as emptiness and therefore absolute fullness. Poignantly, I am either waiting or I am gone! Simply waiting I can “meditate”, but “meditated” I am gone. Later, one says it was, either instance, no longer personal experience, but a living operation of Love. But then, as we must say “then”, it was nonetheless Absolute Being loving an infinity of multiplicity. Then, as a holograph of Being whose heart has opened to the world, only worship can remain. Worship for Being as the matrix, as the Mother, and for Her crest-jewel of manifestation, the Avatar through which She is generating conscious union.

Perhaps, in the course of my preoccupations with mundane desires I can experience some some pale degree of light, for some periods while awaiting the brilliant sun of conscious union. The most luminous paleness is expression through music, the playing of drums, in reciting sacred poetry and in singing intoxicating songs to the Deities. More often, is experiencing a glowing attentiveness to the words and energetic transmission of Mother's Avatars and poets. David's person is the supreme immediate sacred physical form, and now and then I have the grace of being able to have his holy company. So much happens in the course of such a meeting, but most significant is a point of timelessness. In that moment of touching and being touched is the fullest Union. Prior to the recent meetings with him, I had been inspired to contemplation by the mystic poetry of Ramprasad as brilliantly interpreted by Lex Hixon. One poem beautifully expresses what I am so inadequately trying to express. I hope you are moved by it now:

Those who long for conscious union with reality

Who is this astonishing feminine presence
dancing in the universal field of battle?
Truly naked, eternally sixteen,
with magnificent dignity she stands
on the breast of Absolute Reality
that assumes the aspect of snow-white Shiva,
his body also naked truth
as he sleeps in supernal contemplation.

All blood ever shed in sacrifice or conflict
streams down her brilliant black limbs
like crimson blossoms floating on dark waters.
Her face is diamond bright, clearer than the full moon.
Infinite wisdom energy pulsates
through her mysterious blackness.
Her powerful wisdom laughter
awakens and heals,
flowing in wave after wave of sweet nectar.

This poet is overwhelmed,
singing with tears of rapture:
“Those who long for conscious union with reality
should meditate with constancy
on the dark blue lotus feet of Kali,
enshrined in the secret heart of humanity,
ensuring the liberation of all finite beings
from the illusion of finitude.”