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By candacezyk 1 year 7 months ago

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I had been looking at work in/with David and how, if at all, that was any different from my old suffering sadhana in which viewing the world, it was a horror, people, mechanical horrors, and my life to be something to escape from, something below standards and impoverished…..
There had been this meeting in my mind, emotions and body and the thought….it's all life, its' just life. And that, a reasoned approach to happiness….
Today- happiness, bliss, peaceful energy….and the recognition: this is what it is to go beyond the measureable!
Omg. Thank you David. Thank you community. So grateful for this…

By candacezyk 1 year 8 months ago

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I love you

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
10:48 AM

I love you
I love you
I love you
And refuse to count the ways
I don't have to spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways
Because to despise is not to see
A double bind is an opportunity for the Zen koan

There is no loss and no gain, there is, is
There is powerlessness and power both contained in one mystery?
They operate at the same time
In each victim of subjectivity

There are no remedies and there are remedies galore
There is not help yet always help
There is you, me, us
There is functioning and the inability to function

Judgement is a sword, stabbing stabbing (it stabs the heart, does it?)
Operating in one it operates in all
It's judgement I don't need
Everyone everything else is needed, wanted
There are social gatherings and then there is intimacy
Craven and cravings
Let it be, may it burn

By candacezyk 1 year 8 months ago

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Tuesday, November 28, 2017
8:08 AM

Last night and today I realized that all the anger, the rage, all of the negative and dysfunctional behaviors are the same as love. I remember loving intensely as a child. I remember all of that getting thwarted and turned into hate with the mind's existential conclusion( I guess)…"All is Lost."
I seemed to hear David encouraging relationship….and from the beginning of being here, things started happening with people. At first, I would experience whatever it is that happens when we meditate together, and, going out into the world, and, it was almost like there was an explosion of some kind, and, people would "appear" and the most marvelous interactions would follow…What I mean by marvelous is that I could notice or observe that these interactions were something new. That is, they were happening despite the judgmental-ness, firmly entrenched, tendencies toward people, hating etc. they didn't spring from the normal operating system in other words. This is truth that I now realize I do hunger for.

Over Thanksgiving I realized for the first time why( for me) the Holidays and (perhaps for others) can be so uncomfortable(?) to say the least. What I saw was that in so many ways I don't even know the people that I live with. (And we had it pared down to literally no "company",) just the ones in the immediate family. We live together. I seemed to be the one causing the argument but this is something known, seen and despaired over from an early age.

Another Teacher used the word "egocentric" to describe the personality, and it seemed that the energies busted me through egocentricity or an egocentricity. This is a fulfillment that I've desired definitely.

There has been a sadhana (but I didn't use the word until 2009) for sure. Now I see that an almost involuntary (just like David said!) process happened to me from early on, very early. But there was no understanding for what happened to me, the experiences, or anything else. When I got" here" it was clear, I lived in confusion sounding like a fool and truly behaving like a fool trying to explain or share with others. I went through feeling intensely embarrassed over "myself" again now, almost like a PTSD manifesting.

There was a realization that the samskaras never go away, really, and that they can always be there. This is directly contrary to what I had been taught which was the divine Light dissolves them. Maybe it does. I don't know, but what had been excruciating for me was trying to fix "myself". I thought I would get fixed and strived for that, struggled agonized, failed. If only I GOT fixed everything would be all right was the mantra. Later was the experience that "everyone" is suffering, and, there, I buckled under.
On and on it seemed to go. When my son in effect told me I only thought about myself and this was quite a while back, you know, it was a shock, and I denied it. How could I have been egocentric while striving so hard to fix myself for my own and the well being of those around me?

This entire psychic phenomena peculiar to "me" was seen through over the Holiday- this With David's help, with the help from "I am not alone in this anymore or even on my own," (which could never be tolerated, and I felt was just a huge failing, and with this failing I could never be "on a sadhana"). The entirety of what could be termed normal neurosis with some psychotic breaks, was gone through. I experienced even deeper the tenderness and regard my (ex) (but I could never have an ex), husband always had for me. I felt I had beaten him almost to death in time, in the timeliness or the rotten way I knew I always spoiled everything but cleverly tried to function on…I mean this is ego, it does keep one going. I did a little research on the internet about the way boys are raised and got some insight into the pain of that. I admitted I had never understood men. A consideration for the tenderness of the "masculine" energy came about and I see that I really want to protect this aspect of men so to speak even if they keep it hidden or, that, in my perception, it seems so.

What is most dear is hidden. I see that in both my son and my husband.

I watched a very old video called "Asylum," the work of R.D.Laing whom I admired in my college years and post graduate and who had everything to do with me dropping a career (right or wrong, that happened), and, of course, to do that is fatal in this world. You've got to make a living. Obviously not, as somehow I am still solvent.

What I got from the video was that being very deeply disturbed is a definition. What I see is that- that kind of madness is a" yin" to society's "yang", and I saw the fact that society is very frightened to see its own madness. These adorable creatures were simply treated with kindness by Laing who appeared mad himself (to me in the video), and, by trying to follow them, I found extremes of intelligence along with the same issues in trying to live together that everyone has. So what was realized was- that which we call madness is reflection of "normal madness", all part of what you could label duality or relativity. The mad are quite unsure of "who they are" and "normies" perhaps think that they know, at the extremes of the continuum.

I just wanted to share some of these things. There is more, and maybe the expression of that will follow.

By Imayami 1 year 9 months ago

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Notise me now
very carefully
give your full attention to me

I am the functioning og sanity
everything is seen as it is
in it's nature as me
and in it's escape from me

You've lived the life of escape
you can't see me now
cause your insanity is pulling you apart
but theres a spark, and that is the doorway

You see clear
I am the Pure Man
from whom light is shed
turn your face towards my sky
in me you will recognize the Old Golden Land

You know me deeper
than the depths of yourself
what you've known before
you know now

Sanity functioning here before you
turning around all insanity
from this world and through the other worlds
this is what's most real to you

notise me now
and you will notice yourself
revealed before your naked eye
I will clothe you with my sanely
oh, you've never worn anything before

I will build up what the insane broke down
i will make everything right for you, you know
nothing was quiet right and at ease
before you found me

I found you long before you found me,
you know
I am the first and I am the last
Theres nothing else but Me

Sanely the light of words and truth
flow from the highest realms
through your throat they emerge
like springs and waves rolling on your tongue and lips

I have bathed in the Sea of Old
as a child
I always came back to you

through the years of increasing insanity
your sane drop of gold
fell on my tongue
to flower through my being
into my brain

I have never lived
I have never been real
I was immersed in the disturbing insane

I stand before you, broken down
I put my feet into your golden waters
one drop goes all the way
to put my feet into your sea of liquid golden light
is to have it reflect up through my entire body-mind

all in me responds fully to the Sanity of you
and my every cell is like water-lillys
blooming in your easy waters
for the first time in a lifetime

I turn to you for my upliftment
my contentment, my clarity, my life:
the birth of my sane functioning

By Stephen 1 year 9 months ago

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It is the morning of November 16 in Havana. I'm still relishing the fading glow of the dream of David during the night. We were in repose, his graceful transmission giving reassurance of our union in Consciousness, his being with me here as he had told me would be so. I reflect on the growing clarity of that benediction while gazing out over the balcony at the ocean and the channel leading into the docks. Only about 500 meters away a huge cruise ship as high as my sixth floor balcony and two city blocks long is returning to the sea. Hundreds of souls are standing on the top deck, too far to see their faces, but I share the pleasure of their visit to our special island of the broken promise of communism, of Che, dead in Bolivia courtesy of the CIA. The promise denigrated by the Cuban regime, not the embargo they try to blame for their dismal failure.
I am cultivating the seed of contemplation planted during David's intensive in the San Francisco area in September. Naming these meetings “awakening intensives” is packed with meaning: what is operating in the transmission is cognizance of what is flowering in my current experience and what that flowering needs. My present topic is what was further clarified by this intensive and the subsequent personal mode of action, or intention bringing us to this present blessed moment. This clarification concerns myself as a particular entity, as part of a multiplicity of entities in the “Operation of Consciousness”. This “Operation” is experienced in devotional language as “Grace”, a word necessitated by the powerful emotional nature of the direct experience, It has nothing to do with faith. David asked us during the intensive how we were experiencing the transmission. I replied: “Fragrance of Bliss”.
At another point in the intensive David speculated about a new book to be entitled “The Transmission of Enjoyment”. The word Enjoyment must remain capitalized because it combines the pleasure of bodily existence with Bliss containing that pleasure, but also encompassing the Absolute contents of Consciousness. I have a mental construction about what spiritual transmission is, so I don't want to confuse or conflate that with “The Transmission of Enjoyment”. I would like first of all to avoid that misunderstanding.
I very much enjoy the contents of pleasure in my personal consciousness, especially here where sex and music are heavy in the air. Of course there is the pain too. My body is being reformed with several modalities of medical treatment for chronic back and leg pain, and so far, seven dental implants. “Old” may be the body, yet I limp on lustfully with the help and support and love of my partner in crime. Without her none of this would be possible, so thank you Mother! Together we have created an amazing music project and found and remodeled a home while also navigating the gray market of medical services. Anyway, back to deconstruction of my conceptions of spiritual life. In short, I hope to open us to the Insight David transmits continuously, in immediacy, not as a method for some future result.
In what I think, is embedded an understanding that spiritual transmission by its very nature exceeds me, though I am included. This limitation of individuality is systemic as the duality composing my subjectivity: what I think of as myself, and the objective universe that I think of as “not me”. The point of that observation is that my personal experience is only the total content of my personal consciousness. When I construct an idea about spiritual “Consciousness” it is a conceptualization of the contents of “Consciousness” including but also in excess of my subjective experience alone. The tricky bit is that deconstruction of my ideas or thoughts about spiritual Consciousness (that which is inclusive of content transcending my personal contents of consciousness) reveals such as an ideology - actually but a special category of my subjective experience. It is a matter of belief or faith which, as already asserted, is not the direct experience of “The Transmission of Enjoyment”.
The direct experience of this “Transmission of Enjoyment” destroys even the most exalted philosophic or psychological theorizing or emotionally thrilling experience from faith or devotion to any conceptualization of Divinity. Not to discount such experiences in any way, or to minimize the significance of spiritual teachers and lineages, David is nonetheless a special Entity of another register of Being. In the traditional framework of the Sanskrit language is the word “Avatar”. David is a real event of he, or Consciousness, desiring to awaken us (exponentially more than we want to awaken ourselves!). An Avatar is an Entity, a Cosmic Vehicle for awakening of other entities functioning in limited awareness of the unlimited existing potential for our awareness as Absolute Consciousness.
It so happens that my personal limited awareness entails questioning the ideology of a supposed limitation of subjectivity and a supposed excess of the contents of “Consciousness” that includes but transcends the contents of individuality. The point is that it is just as much an ideology to believe that is not actually true. This is essentially what we know as scientific materialism, which is supposedly not an ideological construct itself. It happens to be this latter type of faith that is predominant in the scientific materialism that defines the present social, economic, psychological, biological, mathematical and other scientific constructions that are the overarching conditioning factors of living in our world today. Generally, this materialistic faith limits consciousness to a product of the chemical activity of the brain - despite the plethora of experimentation demonstrating but failing to explain common ordinary experiences of telepathy, intuitions, post-death experiences, and other experiences not involving the brain. The materialism that dominates daily life is almost ironic to anyone who has encountered an Avatar, “awakened” people, or even only entheogens.
Anyone who has experienced love with another experiences communion with more than the contents of one's own consciousness! One is discounted for suggesting the mind may operate in excess of the brain, even though it seems pretty obvious in many experiences we see in people, animals and even plants. Materialistic conditioning suggests I am a nut case for having an insight that even the external objects revealed to my brain by electric-chemical processes are the extension of my mind in Consciousness containing also those external objects. Taking this further, can it not be so that we are in a relationship in Consciousness with all living beings, organic life, and even inorganic objects? I sit here in a Conscious Union with the consciousness of the sun, the solar system, the galaxy and the universe and all content. As I exist in communion with the consciousness of Mother Earth is it not this that will resolve the current ecological crisis!
Crazier still is the insight that the experience of Beauty, Universal Love, Truth, God, or to put it collectively, the experience of Bliss, is a transmission not only in the body and brain, or of the mind as residing only in the physical organism. Such is the nature of awakening I experience as personal insight, episodically, but also as an evolving baseline for my subjectivity. It naturally promotes a conception in subjective duality as evolving to Ultimate Subjectivity, the Absolute, one without a second. Bliss is evidence not just of receiving the transmission of Consciousness, but rather being the transmission of Consciousness. The philosophical conception of spirituality designated in Sanskrit as “Satchitananda” indicates the absolute union of all existence, the multiplicity of subjective contents of consciousness, and the bliss inherent in the experience of Conscious Union. Meditation is describable as having conceptualizations of Conscious Union. That is meditating. Yet always, Conscious Union exceeds that which is only our conceptualizations, so we are always being meditated by That.
In this context, going deeper in meditation means not willing Conscious Union. If we are attempting by exercise of our will to stop the conditioning that is alienating us from communication with the contents of Consciousness that exceed our experience of individuality, we are perpetuating a lack of clarity. An insightful question is whether free will is itself an illusion of conditioning and whether it is actually the operation of memory (all of nature and nurture) that is making choices of action. The implication of this is that conditioning as a limiting factor is restricting experience to avoiding pain and seeking pleasure in a very restricted subjective domain. Being meditated by the Absolute Consciousness is to experience Bliss in and beyond the body, an expansion of and through the mind that exceeds the brain.
At the time of the September Awakening Intensive I had for awhile been feeling that episodic experiences of Conscious Union were communion with Consciousness beyond the limitations of my body-mind. In this I was having an insight of awakening different than what I had conceptualized. I had previously experienced in awakening intensives and in my personal processes what I considered an expansion of mind from prior states. It was already my long-standing insight that mind encompassed the world, that the content of my individual consciousness was not restricted to the domain of the brain. However, for me it was always expansion from a center of self, though I conceived of this as actually an expansion of Self. All this is true, but not as I thought (because I still thought it was about the necessary expression of my own free will). It is a novel experience for me that the world beyond the scope of even an expanded mind is revealed as a Relationship.
It is quite a different thing when the organic and inorganic existences, the sun, moon and planets and all people individually and collectively are in communion with you as entities as it were. It is strange to find my heretofore alienated universe providing awakening! It would be remiss not to acknowledge tastes of communication with a greater Entity, or transcending consciousness through the vehicles of entheogens. It was amazing that David at one point took an inventory of our circle: “Who has used acid?”, “Who has taken magic mushrooms?” , “Who has drank ayahuasca?”. Well, almost all of us who have entered this circle have left no stone unturned in our seeking the fragrance we have known, even only episodically. His last question: “Who has taken David!” came with a huge wave of Bliss.
It is so inspiring that the manner of teaching operating in the Avatar David encompasses and embraces human desire. He is justified in suggesting nothing compares to him as an awakening agent. Notable is that he equates alcohol as the entity most engaging one in the “evil” end of the spectrum of desire. It is fascinating that evil is necessary also – but necessary for maintaining or sustaining a limited attention to selfish desire. That way we get this world of nationalism. patriotism, endless war, greed generating impoverishment, division among people based on race, creed and religious belief and other ideologies. Individually we get plenty of personal suffering. However, in the spectrum of desire the planet has many subtle entities, agents of Consciousness, and not limited to humans and also inclusive of plants and animals, which do enhance and evolve communication with Consciousness far beyond the scope of limited individuality, These are “good” entities – they are called entheogens. We may be thankful for them. Still, they pertain to unsustainable experiences in relativity. Metaphorically they are yet another miracle in Divine Mother's play,
Grace is Consciousness giving insight that the Avatar is the Supreme Good. Evolution is a process in a world of opposites. There is the drive for selfish pleasure which is perpetuating this duality – pleasure is for that “evil”. The “good” in the dualism is the force of evolution that enters into the reality of desire and consumes it with Enjoyment, with Ananda as the completing expression of Chit in the field of Sat. Enjoyment transcends the play of opposites. I had a kind of revelation in that last sitting with David. It came with an expression of adoration: “You are the Entity of all entities!” This Transmission of Enjoyment has nothing to do with believing or having faith in something that will come to be, nothing that is to be repeated or sustained, it is only Forever.